Oh the things, I haven't forgotten at all...

For starters, I do remember the days when I was younger and saw acceptance from others due to my earlier struggles with my weight.  However, when one comes to terms to understand yourself from your race (and for some their ethnicity), it gets even more complicated when you add sexuality to the mix.  My sexuality has been more of non-factor for me because I have never really allowed it to be placed at the forefront of my personal identity.  On the other hand, when one does began to interact with their peers and form relationships, it does become a kind come into play along with the other aforementioned characteristics such as race, ethnicity, height, and body type (weight).

Anyways, to get to the point.  I came across this article from GMFA, a UK-based organization that promotes positive and good health practices for gay, bisexual, and queer males.  The article is very true and quite on point of some of the things many non-white but particularly black gay and bisexual males have to deal with when they are on their journal of self acceptance and confidence.  This interesting segment of the article stuck out to me:

As a 17-year-old, seeing the “no Blacks, no Asians” statement displayed on a profile would sadden me, but that was nothing compared with getting those remarks back as a response after I had broken the ice in a direct message. Rejection is always worse when you are not expecting it, and people can react to sexual racism in various different ways. Ten years ago it would have made me angry and I would have instantly questioned how the rest of the world was viewing me, but these days, I really don’t give a damn about the thoughts of people who are clearly incapable of at displaying common decency. My school days, when I would attempt to ‘fit in’ with the majority, are long gone, and I am not going to spend my time worrying about the sexual preferences of a bunch of morons! 

Honestly, that is my journey to now went except I was 19 versus 17.  At the point and time now, I am confident in myself and don't care for anyone regardless of race if they aren't attracted to me.   However, I do still sigh for many SGL of color that seek companionship with those that maybe white face rejection for their race.  I have said time and time again, that exclusively seeking any group is going to be recipe for constant rejection, but with time I have found myself desiring a long term relationship and companionship with another black male.  It's not to say I cannot be with somebody that isn't a non-black male, but the truth is the likelihood is very high considering how so often sexual racism and fetishization plays a heavy role in interracial interactions still on a same-gender loving (SGL) relationships.

At the moment, I have been happily dating someone new for 6+ months and yeah it is a black guy, but I still to remember those days of the past when this was one of my challenges of personal growth.

Sometimes I wonder are US black gay/bisexual men are their own worse enemies

Yeah, I said it.  I hate to get to this point, but it seems to be the dilemma I see going on.  It doesn't matter if it is on BGC, Adam4Adam, Facebook, Twitter, or the randoms blogs, it seems like the divisions amongst black gay/bisexual men (especially in the US).

Exhibit A: The upstart blog "Discreet City", which is a blog about relationships, being masculine black man (cue *eyeroll*), being "discreet about your sexuality" while maintaining a sense of self as a man.  Yeah, that is a mouthful.  I would say yeah this is a good thing, but why is that this blog dedicates so many of its posts to talking about the "femininization of black gay males".  Along with the authors' personal indictments of how relationships form and why they exist (really guys?)  Does it really matter?  I am asking because so many other topics could be discussed (which they do occasionally, keyword "occasionally"), but why talk so much about these topics like it truly matters.  If US black gay/bisexual men are more worried about masculinity and  perception of their mannerisms then we are in some trouble.  It seems that this site is more caught up on the idea of making men whom happen to be masculine, black, and gay/bisexual feel better about themselves as "outsiders trying to confirm to social standards" rather than stand as a beacon of unification of the heavily factionalized black GBTs.  Divisive tactics are counterproductive to the overall collective body.

I'm sorry but femininity is the least of most black GBTs issues considering the surmounting number of us falling victim to hate crimes more often than not, to commit suicide, being the ones whom are more likely to know somebody or is that somebody that contracts HIV, and the list goes on and on and on...

This is not an incriminating saying to black GBTs in general just the ones that causes the most problems amongst the demographic.  Masculinity shouldn't even be an issue of discussion unless you are more hung on people's mannerisms than their entire personality (and physical appearance).  Remember, we are the group that allows our black pride celebrations be more about the parties (and orgies) than about the informational seminars and public celebrations/gatherings.  I feel when forums about how poorly represented a certain group is one thing but when you criticize and look for ways to make others whom possess a different perspective than you feel alien then  you are doing more harm than good.  Also, it shouldn't be about trying to hide oneself from the world because of the complicity is why we are still more likely than not to be victims of circumstance than champions of success.   As a group, we should be the ones whom unity one another rather than look for further divisions between ourselves.

Oh yeah Nick & Octavius, if you have an issue with what I said on my blog well you going to have to get over it.  My opinions are about the obvious and the collective not about what really bothers me about other black gay/bisexual men.  Say what you but remember you are just fulfilling a negative stereotype.  ;)

Some random thoughts (and a little ranting)...

What is with black folks and the indoctrination of self-deprecation and self-defeating mentality on life itself.  I speak on this because when I step outside of my very tight knit circle of friends (and when I mean tight I mean less than 5 people), I see so much of this.  I only surround myself on a personal-level with positive individuals that have much to offer in life other than the same old crap I see in the world itself, negativity.  It's a damn shame that as a group black people will shift towards this "holier than thou" disposition or "leave it all to Jesus" mentality when at the end of the day it's clearly a personal issue of psychological dissonance.

There was one person in my life, that I used to have long time ago that fronted like he was pragmatic, but his deep seated psychological issues seeped to the surface and they became this overtly negative and arrogant individual.  It was awful seeing somebody of so much potential to be a very productive member of society devolve into this self-defeating and stagnant soul with an arrogant chip on their should.  I had to remove them from my life by choice because they wen't providing anything of substance to myself (rather taking).

On to more related issues, I read this evening the blog, Black Gay Men's Blog, and its topic discussion on same-sex unions, i.e. "gay marriage" amongst black males.  It seemed that even though much growth has occurred in the past several decades, many have fully embraced this internal self-deprecating and bigoted views about unions and long-term relationships.  I've had my missteps but I also realize that if you embrace negativity then you wind up more miserable than you were beforehand.  The notion another individual would allow their peers, environment, sometimes even media and stereotypes affirm whom they are then it shows how weak-minded they are as individuals.  I refuse to allow anyone define me as a person, I know I'm far from perfect but anyone with half a brain and an ounce of common sense knows themselves well enough to not allow others to make them insecure.

Honestly, I believe it is the root of the self-destructive behavior that so many black SGL/gay/bisexual men partake in such as risky behaviors like unprotected sex, drug use, and obsession with unrealistic standards for others and sometimes themselves with their body image.

It's funny I've been writing this blog for nearly 2 years, but the truth hurts whether it about whites, blacks, LGBT/SGLs, or individuals.

Rant over.

Things I must say aloud that need to be told

Riddle me this, riddle me that, why is it that certain men whom want to be 'closeted' about their lives seem to post pictures on social networking sites like Facebook and/or Twitter on Memorial Day weekend?  I mean if you are a single black males and most people realize you are a ***AHEM*** 'confirmed bachelor' then why would you travel to Miami or Washington, D.C. and then post the pix?  I'm not dumb and some others aren't dumb either people, the widely known skinfest for black SGL men and their admirers was held on the Greater Miami area this past Memorial Day weekend (as it is every Memorial Day holiday for the past 11 years) and also the DC Black Pride was held in Washington.  So...  I mean in the words of Ed Lover, "COME ON, SIR!", we all now know are suspecting that you aren't straight, but you want to play that role then have at it but don't say I didn't warn you all.  I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

In other things, I see that the GOP side of the 2012 presidential race has turned into an attention whorefest where Sarah "I can see Russia from my backyard" Palin is riding around the Megalopolis corridor beckoning for attention.  This Alaskan heifer wants everyone to pay attention to her simple-minded ass, but yet wants to proclaim she isn't running.  Then why are you traveling up on the down the East Coast in a bus, moron?  I can't stand people whom want attention but then play dumb when they are called out on it.

In Alabama, recall they say, recall?  I don't think so.  However, Alabama State Senator (and well known corrupt politico), Roger Bedford along with Senator Marc Keahey has filed two separate but identical bills in the Alabama Legislature calling for recalls of state politicians.  However, the catch is it is only for state officials not county or municipal level officials.

“The potential for recall elections forces legislators to be more accountable to the people, and diminishes the influence of special interests groups and political party bosses,” Keahey said.

Keahey’s amendment would allow the public to recall an elected official after one year into the elected official’s term of office. To recall an elected official, Keahey’s bill states that voters must file a petition with the Secretary of State. The petition must be signed by a number of voters that equals at least 25 percent of the vote cast in the previous election for the office being recalled. The petition must then be submitted to the Secretary of State within 90 days of the original filing. If the Secretary of State determines that all requirements have been met, a recall vote will be scheduled for the sixth Tuesday following the announcement of the decision.

I knew Bedford especially didn't truly mean to promote reform considering he is the well-known Pork King of the Alabama Legislature.  But I digress, it seems like they have formulated 2 bills hoping it will pass this late in the regular session of the Alabama Legislature, which I know they won't unless a miracle on Goat Hill occurs.  Anyways, that's that.  (h/t to Left in Alabama and the Atmore News for the links).