So....

In the serious of personal blogs on this site.  Here it goes...

I just realized I am still in love with my ex from years ago.  He recently recently came back into my life.  I wasn't expecting him to come back into my life at all.  There are a numerous of things that goes through my head while thinking about him including good memories, mixed feelings, and even the bad memories.  My heart still feel something for him, but my head tells me to stay on the fence with him in a guarded mode.

About 18 months ago, I had a dream of a wedding and it ironically included myself and this very ex.  In the dream, we were standing at an alter and saying a vows to one another and to spend the rest of our lives together.  As strange as it was at the time, we weren't together anymore (for nearly 4 months) and were not speaking at all because I broke up and ended all forms of communication with him.  Also by that time there was some form of moving on and letting go from that stage of life.  As much as I thought that dream was random and improbable at the time, I realized there was unfinished business between us.

Now here we are now communicating and reconnecting to one another.  It also displays the unfinished business is apparent.  My feelings are still there and I don't know where to go with them.  Also I recently discovered he still has feelings for me as well, but his methods of holding them back is totally different than mine.  He displayed this to me when he chose to come to me in a time of true need.  I then realized he does still care about me and those feelings for me. This is something of hope but also worry.

Part of me wants us to reconnect, reunite, and work on us getting back to together again, but another portion of me is terrified.  I am taking this very slow, day-by-day, and displaying concern, care, and consideration of reality of our relationship.  We broke up for a reason in the past and we have both moved on, grown, and (for me) experienced other relationships.  However, I am also a believer that some people are meant to have something with one another and strangely enough I feel as God/Allah/the Creator is saying we ought to be back together again because our yin-yang dynamics that exists between us and draws us together in a way beyond just platonic friendship.

If he does happens to come across this blog entry then.  Will, I want you to know yes I still am in love with you.  I do hope and pray that we can work this out in the long run and find a comparable median where we can reconcile and one day grow together.  I have chosen to step back and just allow this to play themselves out on its own.  Nevertheless, I just want you to know that I do still love you.  Call me cliche, but I feel like we are like the Rihanna song "Diamonds".  

As they say, only time will tell me what and whom he is to me...